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Dog Jokes and Quotes

Warning!!! This page may contain some pretty corny dog jokes. However, some of the quotes we humans need to abide by. If you have any dog jokes or quotes you would like to share on this page, please Contact Me

Q: Why did the Dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
A: Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher.

Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.

Q: Where does a Rottweiler sit in the cinema?
A: Anywhere he wants to.

Every boy should have two things:
a dog and a mother willing to let him have one.

Q: What is a dog's favourite food?
A: Anything that's on your plate.

Q: What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had a meal?
A: That hit the spots.

Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?
A: A jolly Collie.

Money will buy a pretty good dog
but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

(Josh Billings 1818-1885)

Q: What is the dogs favourite city?
A: New Yorkie.

Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
A: His bark was much worse than his bite.

Q: What dog wears contact lenses?
A: A Cock-eyed Spaniel.

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A Shampoodle.

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.

Q: What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?
A: Chump chops.

Q: How do you feel if you cross a Sheepdog with a melon?
A: Melon-collie.

Q: What do you get if you cross a computer with a Doberman?
A: A computer with a lot of bites.

Q: How can you tell if you have a stupid dog?
A: He chases parked cars.

One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is....
his tail wags instead of his tongue.

"I've lost my dog!"
"Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
"Don't be silly, he can't read!"

What goes "woof, woof, tick, tick"?
A watchdog.

What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?
A sausage dog

What are blue-blooded, short-legged and live in a palace?
The Queen's Corgi dogs.

The best part about owning a dog is.......
the way he doesn't care about bad hair days or overdue bills.

New Dog Breeds.....
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso: A dog that folds up for easy transport.

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow: A dog that throws up a lot.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso: An abstract dog.

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound: A dog for financial advisers.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Bull: ....Oh, never mind.

You think dogs will not be in heaven?
I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.

(Robert Louis Stevenson 1850-1894)

The Meaning of Life with Dogs

  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
  • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
  • When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

A dog is better than I am,
for he has love and does not judge.

(Saint Xanthias)

Dog Letters to God...

  • Dear God...Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever smell one another? Where are their priorities?
  • Dear God...When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch? Or is it the same old story?
  • Dear God...Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray and the Rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a Cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle

To err is human,
to forgive, canine.

  • Dear God...If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
  • Dear God...More meatballs and less spaghetti, please?
  • Dear God...Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street!
  • Dear God...Are there mailmen in Heaven? If so, do I have to apologise?

You must always remember that, as far as the Bible is concerned....
God only threw the humans out of Paradise.

The greatest love is a mother's;
Then comes a dog's...

(Polish Proverb)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

(Mark Twain 1835-1910)

Make a special point every day
of teaching your dog how to sit and stay
He will share your laughter and your tears
and always be faithful through the years.....
Never be mean,
don't ever be cruel
He'll always be happy to play the fool
Remember he loves you with all of his might
So stroke and caress him every night

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